I don’t even know what to call this post, which is unusual. Usually, I would only post things up on here when I’ve gathered the courage to…and edit and proofread the post more carefully than the essays I write for exams. But there is nothing witty this time, no lame alliteration, just a desperate need to get this off my chest. To get it out and naively hope that people out there will care enough to read this.
Doesn’t matter either way; I need to get this off my chest.
My week was an inverted rollercoaster ride. Inverted as it instead of a high, I crashed-hard.
I started the week by learning that my crush for the last 6 years will never reciprocate my feelings for him. Yes, I know, it’s a silly teenage girl problem - and don’t I know it. And also you read that right, yes, a six year crush - it’s pathetic by anyone’s books, mine included. That’s the most devasting part of the whole ideal: it’s been with my for so long. Now I can’t even like at him without a weight on my chest, not without my greeting smile twist into something too heavy, too unnatural.
Saddest part, he doesn’t even know.
He doesn’t know. But I want to tell him.
My first ever confession will be one doomed to fail.
And to think I used to scoff at teenage girls and their boy problems…
Well, not anymore.
On top of the pathetic six-year hide-in-the-bush-and-swoon-when-he-talks-by thing, I’ve suspected that this would happen for the last two years. I thought I would be glad to have a solid resolution, something to erase the gray areas of “maybe” and “one day”. Thought I would be glad to have a solid ground, where I know where I stand.
Icing on the cake: all these downers and I feel nothing. Just ghosts of things. A shadow of self-pity there, a sliver of sadness here.
Maybe it’s the stress, maybe it’s denial, maybe I’m being overdramatic.
Maybe, I just don’t have someone at whom I can throw myself, dump my problems, and with whom I just can simply break down.
Because, for the last six years, I thought it would be him.
sometimes i look at people on my dash and i think
who the fuck are you
when did i follow you
you’re not posting things relative to my interests
but i can’t unfollow you becasue i can’t remember why i did
it might have been important
This is the most accurate post I have ever seen on here.